SHE IS HERE!!!

Well, after a sudden appearance (7 weeks early), our little niece Madison Grace Colin has arrived! She put her mommy through quite an ordeal with high blood pressure and whacky lab levels but she is here and all are doing well and healthy! She weighed in at a whopping 3 pounds 14 ounces and 18 inches long. She is eating well with her mommy and will be in the NICU for several weeks. Mommy and Daddy had to drive to Missoula, MT, which is 2 hours from where they live in Butte to deliver her, and they are now staying at the Ronald McDonald house across the street so they can go over and see her often. They feel she really wanted to make her showing in Missoula, since that is where University of Montana is and that is where her Daddy went to school! :) She is just a little Miss Grizz! :)

I cannot say enough about this child! I love her with my whole heart! Not only is she exquisitely beautiful, but she shares my bloodlines which is just mind blowing to me! I love her soooo much and can't wait to meet my sweet little Maddie!!! SOON! Here are some pics of the earth's newest angel!!!

Daddy is already wrapped around MY finger :)

Proud Pappa

Mommy and baby


Lil' Miss Grizz

Long and Lean

Sleeping Angel

A little fun!

Things have been a little crazy of late. Between buying a house and all that entails (inspections, loan paperwork, appraisals), having visitors, showing our house to potential buyers and renters, and working on adoption stuff, job interviews, and just life in general, it has been quite hectic! So, while I originally thought I may limit this blog to adoption-related postings, I decided to throw in a little fun!

Today, Lee and I were blessed enough to get tickets to the K-state/Butler NCAA Elite 8 game! I cheer for KU a lot, but my heart is really with KSU. I went there for two years, so I suppose my blood runs purple deep down. :) So, we lucked out in that the tourney was here in Salt Lake and KSU made it this far so we could see them! How much fun it was to see all the K-state fans invading our city! We met quite a few around town and it has been so much fun! While the game was a bit sad, and the Cats could have played much better, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience! It was sooooo different watching the game in person, much more aggressive than it appears on TV and so much energy and noise! I'm so glad we dropped a pretty penny for the nosebleed seats! :)

Next post: Pics of our house with a "SOLD" sign. :)

THEY ARE HERE!!!!!!

GROCERY BAGS ARE HERE! GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT! YOU TOO CAN GET YOUR HOT LITTLE HANDS ON THESE FABULOUS CREATIONS!!!

THE LOGO ON THESE BAGS WAS DESIGNED AS A TAG-TEAM EFFORT BETWEEN MYSELF AND OUR DEAR FRIEND CLINT. HE INCORPORATED MY WORDS INTO THIS AWESOME LOGO AND NOW, EVEN YOU CAN CARRY OUR MIRACLE OF ADOPTION MESSAGE EVERYWHERE YOU GO!!! :)

CLICK ON THE "DONATE" TAB ON THE RIGHT OF OUR PAGE, OR EMAIL ME AT KYLIETOONE@YAHOO.COM IF YOU ARE INTERESTED. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE ALREADY ORDERED THEM, STAY TUNED, THEY WILL BE ON THEIR WAY SHORTLY! BEAR WITH ME, I HAVE MANY TO SEND!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Our first MAJOR hurdle...

YEP! That's me in my shirt that I LOVE. Already it has become a conversation starter in public places. I walked into a Chevron one day after Lee asked me to pick up one more quart of oil. The clerk started telling me about his nephew, who was adopted from there 2 years ago. He said, and I quote, "It was a LONG, HARD, journey, but sooooo worth it. He's a great kid."

So why are we so shocked that this latest development has happened? We just got word from our agency that Ethiopia is now requiring two visits from the parents to Ethiopia. Previously, it was not required for both parents to be present for the court hearing. Often times, the court date does not pass the first time, so it is repeated and an agency representative takes care of it. Only one parent had to travel to Africa ONCE to pick up the child. Now, the courts are requiring BOTH parents to come to court (and hope they pass the first time!) and then BOTH to travel to pick up the child. Now this is not a bad thing when you realize this declaration has come as a results of the recent surge of adoptions since the Haiti earthquake. That is a GOOD thing. The judge wants the parents to advocate for their future child and testify to their commitment and love. All good things. But, the obstacle comes in having to add an additional $5,000-10,000 to the total cost, depending on how many court dates you have to attend. And the length of time will now be extended.

We are overwhelmed to say the least. It seems that this journey will never see its end, even though we've only just begun the process. It seems to be 3 steps forward and 4 steps back. I find myself really questioning if we should proceed. I am asking God for confirmation and clarity and things keep happening to prolong this process. But then, He throws in little bits of encouragement. Like the dream I had where I stroked an African Orphan's face and he said to me, "I can tell you truly love me, because you hands are so loving and you love my color." Weird, but encouraging. And the 4 year old from my fitness class who said "Coach Kylie, I REALLY love you." And I REALLY love her and wept when I pulled the car away from her school. And the verse God dropped on my head like a 2 X 4. "He gives the childless woman a family and makes a happy mother. PRAISE THE LORD!" Psalm 113:9. So, what I am concluding from this is that God is whispering a quiet, yet powerful PROMISE to my heart. "Kylie, you WILL be a mother, I PROMISE. Just. Be. Patient."

I was driving home from my pilates class and JJ Heller's song came on KLOVE. Yep, that's the ONLY station I have been capable of listening to. I have to, so that I may fill myself up with the most possible amount of encouragement and boy does that station provide it!

JJ's song says:

"When my world is shaking, heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your Hands."

(YOU ARE LISTENING TO THIS SONG RIGHT NOW!!!)

So, of course I lost it. I am admittedly a deeply emotional and feeling person but this day took the cake. I literally sobbed like a baby. I gripped hard to the steering wheel and cried out to God! "God! MY heart is BROKEN! I want to be a mother and I've waited so long already. 2 years of trying, a year of trying to get this adoption started. Will I EVER be a mother? PLEASE God. PLEASE help me. Comfort me, give me peace. Give me hope. Strengthen me and give me trust."

So how do we go on from here? We pray, as we have been. We pray for a miracle with the finances. We pray that God will confirm His will and make it VERY VERY (like NEON SIGN) clear. We pray that God will say "If this adoption is not my will then I will help you to accept it." And we cling to the hope that God will not leave his promises unfufilled about being parents.

Do you know what is so interesting? I have prayed time and time again that God would remove our desire to be parents if it was not His will. But guess what He did? He only strengthened it. I tell people all the time that by the time I hold my child in my arms (whether adopted or biolgical) I will have utterly CHERISHED every tear, prayer, hug, (or stretch mark, nauseous and bloated day or ache and pain). For those of us who have been through the journey of infertility and desired a child so much we'd do anything, I think the end result is just that much sweeter.

So, I'm not giving up. Whether it is God testing our commitment and faith, or signs to stop this process, I'm holding tight to His promises...And like my best friend said to me, "Kylie, God gives us what we can handle. Lots of us couldn't handle what you are going through, but God knows you can!"


Thanks for letting me pour out my heart. It is very therapeutic. Thanks for all the words of encouragement, prayers, financial support and love. We have a long way to go, so keep it coming! :)

Adoption Wall of Hope!

Well, we mailed our homestudy packet! We are looking to buy a house, so may have to put off the actual appointment but its in! Man do we look icky on paper, but know God will make us look stellar! Woohoo! Step one done! I made the mistake of looking at the flow chart from our agency. We're on step -1 in the grand scheme of steps. Ha! And a friend's blog said that her homestudy and dossier was 89 pages long, took 7 months and they had to write long autobiographies! So that I will not lose my head, I taped three onsies up on the wall in our office. Lee laughed but its the only thing keeping my eye on the prize! Everytime I get overwhelmed, I will look at this wall of onesies and keep my sanity. Whew!

Please pray our homestudy goes well! We're scared we'll get rejected! I guess we'll have that fear until our baby is in our arms!

Here's to keeping the faith! And onesies!!! :) And jammies from Grammie and Grampie!



And here's to ALWAYS having hope...

OH! My best friend in the universe had her baby on Friday. AND we got our shirts we ordered with our logo and they are great quality AND they look fabulous!
What a GREAT DAY!

Aiden Canyon was born on Friday and he is precious. He was early and weighed in just under 5 pounds but is doing ok. Mom had a little trouble with her blood pressure and had to go back to the hospital but she, daddy and baby are all home now.

Can I tell you how happy I am for them? She will be the BEST mom, I just know it. She has been there for me and all the ups and downs of my life since high school! She is an angel and a saint. I love her and I am so happy for her and I love this child already!!! So much, my heart bursts. What an awesome journey they are embarking on! And, it just makes my heart long to have a child even more, so our kiddos can play together!!! :) Maybe when we get our angel, they'll be the same age! :)

Just couldn't resist

I went a little crazy on cafepress.com. They have an amazing line of Ethiopian adoption tshirts and stuff. I wanted it ALL. I couldn't decide on a tshirt so I desiged our own! Our logo is on the tshirts, and of course there is a onesie! :) I hope they turn out and I can't wait to wear them! I'm hanging the onesie on the wall in the office where the adoption headquarters are located. I wish I knew what our baby is gonna be, but maybe its good I don't know, as I'd go crazy at baby stores! :) So, I'll settle for unisex stuff for now. Grammie already brought baby two sets of jammies...one with cute circus animals and one with bears, tents and camping stuff. SOOOO cute. This is fun! I can't wait until Im legit---shopping at Baby Target with a child in the cart! :) WOO HOO!

So, here's to keeping our eyes on the prize...

PASSION-What gene did God give YOU?

Jonah, a little boy in one of my preschool classes, has become my favorite. He runs to sit on the "heart" spot next to me each week. He clings to me and asks me to watch what he does! "Coach Kylie, watch me do this." "Coach Kylie I can do that." I love him. He's my favorite. He has dreadlocks. He's African-American. Surprised?

Today I realized, as I drove home, I have ALWAYS had a love of little "black babies." Since I was little I loved them. I was fascinated by them from the moment I entered the public school system. I remember coming home from Kindergarten to ask mom if I would turn black if I touched the little black boy sitting next to me in circle time. I was enamored by them and it never ended.

God plants seeds in all of us and gives us passions. For some, it is the homeless, and getting out to feed them. For others, it is mission trips overseas, and sharing the truth with those abroad. For others, it is helping pregnant teenage moms. The list goes on and on and to each one He cultivates our gifts to best be used for these passions. It is finding our passions that is the struggle sometimes.

I have 4. Writing, Jewish Missions, nature and black babies. Each passion was cultivated from a young age. From writing poems, to being picked to write a speech at my high school graduation, to whipping out a college paper in 30 minutes, to the volumes of writings and poetry on my shelves, to the start of my book, God has told me, when and how to go forward. Jewish Missions seems a bit far fetched for a girl from Kansas, but in 8th grade a seed was planted. I did an entire unit on Jewish holidays and the Holocaust and was fascinated by Anne Frank. I couldn't get enough and Fiddler on the Roof became my favorite musical. Discovering Jewish ministry, God's plan and heart for the Jews, traveling to Israel and finally, using my dance training to start an Israeli dance troupe. Living in Colorado, graduate school in Flagstaff,the mountains in Utah, hiking, biking, skiing, sitting by a mountain stream? It is where I'm most at peace, have my best chats with God and write my best stuff. Coincidence? I think not.

And now, looking back, I'd never have thunk it. My love of little black children (especially boys) has always been there. Walking around with their big brown eyes, smooth brown skin and little afros. My eye is always drawn to them and they have always been my favorites.

I truly believe in my heart of hearts, that God gives us genes for different passions. Of late, I have learned quickly that my strongest is for adoption. The others come and go, fading at times to be outshone by another temporarily, until God swoops in and fuels the flame once again. For now, I will not rest until we bring our little "black baby" home.

Can you imagine? Me, on a hike in Colorado, my adopted child on my back, a journal in my pack, dancing and writing in God's creation? It brings tears to my eyes. I simply cannot imagine being more in my element.

So God, use us, pave the way, provide the finances, give us peace, endurance, courage, strength, and most of all, continue to infuse us with Your PASSION.

Haiti, Oh Haiti

I'm sure you share the utter pain of watching the recent coverage on the Haiti earthquake. I think the pain is tangible for Lee and I as we picture the conditions our future child must endure before we bring him home. We feel the pain in a physical way, as our hearts literally ache. I have cried myself to sleep several times watching the orphaned children, dusty and bloodied, with tears streaking their cheeks.

Many of your know that Lee and I have been praying very sincerely about changing our adoption to Haiti from Ethiopia. I have been inside the adoption world knowledge regarding processes and procedures for Haiti. My caseworker at AWAA has been nothing but supportive, she has provided us with references to contact for other agencies who adopt from Haiti (our agency does not). That is just why we picked AWAA, because of their sincere understanding and support of God's will. So, doing our due diligence and praying about this terrible tragedy, we have decided to proceed with our Ethiopian adoption. We discovered that the Haitian guidelines for adoption are pretty stringent, and one must be 35 years of age to qualify (one thing that says I'm too young!) :) and couples must be married for 10 years before adoption. Our caseworker says that this criteria may be loosened in a year or two, after the number of orphans is confirmed and increased. But at this point, we do not qualify and feel that its a door God has closed for a reason. In addition, the time frame to wait for a Haitian child is expected to be doubled! The agencies I've worked with (our #2 and #3 agency choices after AWAA) have recommended that people realize the Haitian adoption process will be extended by 2-3 years on top of the 2-3 years already required for a "typical" adoption. The reason for this is that there is no way to prove that an orphan is indeed an orphan for a long length of time. Other family members may appear who would claim the child so they cannot be determined "adoptable" for a 1-2 year time period. This length of time is only lengthened by the emergent state of the crisis, just finding food and water and receiving medical care is difficult. Finally, many of the government offices and employees who process the paperwork are gone. So, quite honestly, Lee and I just cannot fathom waiting that long for our child!!! They have received an overwhelming amount of calls and contacts regarding adoption. Many Americans want to open their homes to these Haitian orphans. This is a blessing!!!! So, while we feel helpless and were longing to adopt a child from Haiti, we are allowing God to take control and perhaps we will do so in a few years after we have begun to raise our Ethiopian child. We have heard from our friends who have adopted, that once you visit a third-world country and their orphanages, your eyes are opened in a way not imagined. You'll never be the same and you'll become addicted to adoption. Lee and I discussed this tonight at dinner, that we imagine there won't be just one Toone adoption. :) I for one, would be thrilled to have a houseful of children, of all colors and creeds. I believe you are born with an "adoption gene" and I truly feel God gave me more than one in my DNA! Just call me 'Angelina' :)

So, thank you for all of your prayers and support and sending me the latest articles from the earthquake coverage. Please continue to pray for God's will, as you never know what He has in store. We feel helpless, as we know you do, and feel that we cannot have peace with this situation. So, if nothing more has come from this adoption, it has further broken our hearts for the plight of these poor children and confirmed that God's will is that we proceed. I cannot imagine the longing and angst for those families who lost all their paperwork in the rubble and aren't sure they will be able to get their children. My heart breaks for them.

And after all of that, our agency sent us an email that they were collecting names of families who are interested in being on a Haiti Foster Care list. There is talk among the US Dept. of State, UCIS and several agencies to bring plane loads of kiddos over from Haiti to be fostered while all the mess is cleaned up. Oh, the plot thickens. I found myself wondering why God does not put a giant Neon sign in front of our faces!!!

Please keep praying for God's will for our adoption and for those poor Haitian people.

And finally, a Bible verse that has just given me so much comfort this week.

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will NOT fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea...God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed." Psalm 46: 1-2, 4.

So....How much does an Adoption Cost?

Well, thanks to our dear friend Clint, we have an official logo for our adoption fundraisier! Clint took some words I wrote and incorporated them into an Africa design for tshirts, shopping bags, and anything else! We worked long and hard with Clint and we absolutely love the result! We will be selling reusable shopping bags. We intend to use an altered "Christmas" version for our cards this year.

There are days where I almost give up and lose steam. I think of the insurmountable amount of money it will take to pay to bring our child home. I feel guilty to have a fundraiser and ask others to help us but I know deep down that many want to be a part of this undertaking, and their help will be part of us completing our family. We trust that God will supply the funds somehow if this is His will, which we believe it to be. We have to humble ourselves and realize that God may have a wonderful plan to bless others wanting to help and that we aren't necessarily responsible for the entire cost of adoption.

So you ask....How much does an adoption cost?

I borrowed an idea from another blog, and calcuated the cost of some everyday items. This gives you an idea of how much it will cost for us to bring our child home.

1 adoption equals

6250 Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes

1000 dinners at Applebees

159 pairs of designer jeans

50 months (or 4 years) of groceries

36 42" LCD flat panel TVs

and finally.....

1 Subaru Outback (because we drive a Subaru)

So...the total of these items is approximately....

$25,000!

Yes, that seems a great sum to spend to have a child. But when you've been waiting for as long as we have and have drawn the line at extensive fertility studies and treatments, it seems like a small price to pay to complete your family. And, considering there are 148 million orphans (enough to fill the Denver Broncos Mile High Stadium like 2000 times) and that most are "invisible" to the rest of the world, how can we not help? How can we not scrimp and save and ask others to help us? It seems a small sum of money to bring a child to a forever family that would otherwise have no one to call 'Mommy' and 'Daddy.' My deepest desire in the bottom of my heart is to be a mother. At times I admit that I lose hope and think its never going to happen. Then, I get a resurgance of faith and hope in my spirit that allows me to trudge forward. I know we are in the very beginning stages. We had some money saved to get started but our move to Utah, and subsequent lack of pay for a month, has caused us to use much of our adoption (and other) savings for living expenses. So, we humbly ask for two things.

1) Can you pray with us? This is the most important request we have. That you would pray alongside us in our journey.

2) Can you spare a few dollars to purchase some AWESOME reusable shopping

bags to help bring our child home? :)

We love you and thank you ahead of time for your help and mostly for your prayers which we believe will move our journey forward.

Contact me if you are interested.

Kylietoone@yahoo.com