Just couldn't resist

I went a little crazy on cafepress.com. They have an amazing line of Ethiopian adoption tshirts and stuff. I wanted it ALL. I couldn't decide on a tshirt so I desiged our own! Our logo is on the tshirts, and of course there is a onesie! :) I hope they turn out and I can't wait to wear them! I'm hanging the onesie on the wall in the office where the adoption headquarters are located. I wish I knew what our baby is gonna be, but maybe its good I don't know, as I'd go crazy at baby stores! :) So, I'll settle for unisex stuff for now. Grammie already brought baby two sets of jammies...one with cute circus animals and one with bears, tents and camping stuff. SOOOO cute. This is fun! I can't wait until Im legit---shopping at Baby Target with a child in the cart! :) WOO HOO!

So, here's to keeping our eyes on the prize...

PASSION-What gene did God give YOU?

Jonah, a little boy in one of my preschool classes, has become my favorite. He runs to sit on the "heart" spot next to me each week. He clings to me and asks me to watch what he does! "Coach Kylie, watch me do this." "Coach Kylie I can do that." I love him. He's my favorite. He has dreadlocks. He's African-American. Surprised?

Today I realized, as I drove home, I have ALWAYS had a love of little "black babies." Since I was little I loved them. I was fascinated by them from the moment I entered the public school system. I remember coming home from Kindergarten to ask mom if I would turn black if I touched the little black boy sitting next to me in circle time. I was enamored by them and it never ended.

God plants seeds in all of us and gives us passions. For some, it is the homeless, and getting out to feed them. For others, it is mission trips overseas, and sharing the truth with those abroad. For others, it is helping pregnant teenage moms. The list goes on and on and to each one He cultivates our gifts to best be used for these passions. It is finding our passions that is the struggle sometimes.

I have 4. Writing, Jewish Missions, nature and black babies. Each passion was cultivated from a young age. From writing poems, to being picked to write a speech at my high school graduation, to whipping out a college paper in 30 minutes, to the volumes of writings and poetry on my shelves, to the start of my book, God has told me, when and how to go forward. Jewish Missions seems a bit far fetched for a girl from Kansas, but in 8th grade a seed was planted. I did an entire unit on Jewish holidays and the Holocaust and was fascinated by Anne Frank. I couldn't get enough and Fiddler on the Roof became my favorite musical. Discovering Jewish ministry, God's plan and heart for the Jews, traveling to Israel and finally, using my dance training to start an Israeli dance troupe. Living in Colorado, graduate school in Flagstaff,the mountains in Utah, hiking, biking, skiing, sitting by a mountain stream? It is where I'm most at peace, have my best chats with God and write my best stuff. Coincidence? I think not.

And now, looking back, I'd never have thunk it. My love of little black children (especially boys) has always been there. Walking around with their big brown eyes, smooth brown skin and little afros. My eye is always drawn to them and they have always been my favorites.

I truly believe in my heart of hearts, that God gives us genes for different passions. Of late, I have learned quickly that my strongest is for adoption. The others come and go, fading at times to be outshone by another temporarily, until God swoops in and fuels the flame once again. For now, I will not rest until we bring our little "black baby" home.

Can you imagine? Me, on a hike in Colorado, my adopted child on my back, a journal in my pack, dancing and writing in God's creation? It brings tears to my eyes. I simply cannot imagine being more in my element.

So God, use us, pave the way, provide the finances, give us peace, endurance, courage, strength, and most of all, continue to infuse us with Your PASSION.

Haiti, Oh Haiti

I'm sure you share the utter pain of watching the recent coverage on the Haiti earthquake. I think the pain is tangible for Lee and I as we picture the conditions our future child must endure before we bring him home. We feel the pain in a physical way, as our hearts literally ache. I have cried myself to sleep several times watching the orphaned children, dusty and bloodied, with tears streaking their cheeks.

Many of your know that Lee and I have been praying very sincerely about changing our adoption to Haiti from Ethiopia. I have been inside the adoption world knowledge regarding processes and procedures for Haiti. My caseworker at AWAA has been nothing but supportive, she has provided us with references to contact for other agencies who adopt from Haiti (our agency does not). That is just why we picked AWAA, because of their sincere understanding and support of God's will. So, doing our due diligence and praying about this terrible tragedy, we have decided to proceed with our Ethiopian adoption. We discovered that the Haitian guidelines for adoption are pretty stringent, and one must be 35 years of age to qualify (one thing that says I'm too young!) :) and couples must be married for 10 years before adoption. Our caseworker says that this criteria may be loosened in a year or two, after the number of orphans is confirmed and increased. But at this point, we do not qualify and feel that its a door God has closed for a reason. In addition, the time frame to wait for a Haitian child is expected to be doubled! The agencies I've worked with (our #2 and #3 agency choices after AWAA) have recommended that people realize the Haitian adoption process will be extended by 2-3 years on top of the 2-3 years already required for a "typical" adoption. The reason for this is that there is no way to prove that an orphan is indeed an orphan for a long length of time. Other family members may appear who would claim the child so they cannot be determined "adoptable" for a 1-2 year time period. This length of time is only lengthened by the emergent state of the crisis, just finding food and water and receiving medical care is difficult. Finally, many of the government offices and employees who process the paperwork are gone. So, quite honestly, Lee and I just cannot fathom waiting that long for our child!!! They have received an overwhelming amount of calls and contacts regarding adoption. Many Americans want to open their homes to these Haitian orphans. This is a blessing!!!! So, while we feel helpless and were longing to adopt a child from Haiti, we are allowing God to take control and perhaps we will do so in a few years after we have begun to raise our Ethiopian child. We have heard from our friends who have adopted, that once you visit a third-world country and their orphanages, your eyes are opened in a way not imagined. You'll never be the same and you'll become addicted to adoption. Lee and I discussed this tonight at dinner, that we imagine there won't be just one Toone adoption. :) I for one, would be thrilled to have a houseful of children, of all colors and creeds. I believe you are born with an "adoption gene" and I truly feel God gave me more than one in my DNA! Just call me 'Angelina' :)

So, thank you for all of your prayers and support and sending me the latest articles from the earthquake coverage. Please continue to pray for God's will, as you never know what He has in store. We feel helpless, as we know you do, and feel that we cannot have peace with this situation. So, if nothing more has come from this adoption, it has further broken our hearts for the plight of these poor children and confirmed that God's will is that we proceed. I cannot imagine the longing and angst for those families who lost all their paperwork in the rubble and aren't sure they will be able to get their children. My heart breaks for them.

And after all of that, our agency sent us an email that they were collecting names of families who are interested in being on a Haiti Foster Care list. There is talk among the US Dept. of State, UCIS and several agencies to bring plane loads of kiddos over from Haiti to be fostered while all the mess is cleaned up. Oh, the plot thickens. I found myself wondering why God does not put a giant Neon sign in front of our faces!!!

Please keep praying for God's will for our adoption and for those poor Haitian people.

And finally, a Bible verse that has just given me so much comfort this week.

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will NOT fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea...God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed." Psalm 46: 1-2, 4.

So....How much does an Adoption Cost?

Well, thanks to our dear friend Clint, we have an official logo for our adoption fundraisier! Clint took some words I wrote and incorporated them into an Africa design for tshirts, shopping bags, and anything else! We worked long and hard with Clint and we absolutely love the result! We will be selling reusable shopping bags. We intend to use an altered "Christmas" version for our cards this year.

There are days where I almost give up and lose steam. I think of the insurmountable amount of money it will take to pay to bring our child home. I feel guilty to have a fundraiser and ask others to help us but I know deep down that many want to be a part of this undertaking, and their help will be part of us completing our family. We trust that God will supply the funds somehow if this is His will, which we believe it to be. We have to humble ourselves and realize that God may have a wonderful plan to bless others wanting to help and that we aren't necessarily responsible for the entire cost of adoption.

So you ask....How much does an adoption cost?

I borrowed an idea from another blog, and calcuated the cost of some everyday items. This gives you an idea of how much it will cost for us to bring our child home.

1 adoption equals

6250 Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes

1000 dinners at Applebees

159 pairs of designer jeans

50 months (or 4 years) of groceries

36 42" LCD flat panel TVs

and finally.....

1 Subaru Outback (because we drive a Subaru)

So...the total of these items is approximately....

$25,000!

Yes, that seems a great sum to spend to have a child. But when you've been waiting for as long as we have and have drawn the line at extensive fertility studies and treatments, it seems like a small price to pay to complete your family. And, considering there are 148 million orphans (enough to fill the Denver Broncos Mile High Stadium like 2000 times) and that most are "invisible" to the rest of the world, how can we not help? How can we not scrimp and save and ask others to help us? It seems a small sum of money to bring a child to a forever family that would otherwise have no one to call 'Mommy' and 'Daddy.' My deepest desire in the bottom of my heart is to be a mother. At times I admit that I lose hope and think its never going to happen. Then, I get a resurgance of faith and hope in my spirit that allows me to trudge forward. I know we are in the very beginning stages. We had some money saved to get started but our move to Utah, and subsequent lack of pay for a month, has caused us to use much of our adoption (and other) savings for living expenses. So, we humbly ask for two things.

1) Can you pray with us? This is the most important request we have. That you would pray alongside us in our journey.

2) Can you spare a few dollars to purchase some AWESOME reusable shopping

bags to help bring our child home? :)

We love you and thank you ahead of time for your help and mostly for your prayers which we believe will move our journey forward.

Contact me if you are interested.

Kylietoone@yahoo.com

Again, I cry...

I believe it. In my heart I believe it and all it takes is reading a few Bible verses about how adoption is God's heart. We're all adopted after all, spiritually adopted into His family, and worthy and receiving of all the rights and inheritances of a true heir. All it takes is to read His word, and I'm right back in His will. Trusting daily and asking for patience and peace as we endure the process ahead.

My friend emailed me today. She and her husband have taken in a homeless teen. They are doing it on faith, with no payments from foster care or anywhere else. She received a check one day from her father. The only note was on the memo line and it said "For Heaven's Sake." It came at the perfect time when the boy needed toiletries and clothing. She was able to use some coupons and credit at stores to buy him an entire wardrobe as well as daily hygiene items. The check amount her father had sent her was for $333.o0. She thought it an odd amount until she noticed his flight number had been #3333.

When I went on a 2-week mission trip to Israel I was raising money and had the last little bit to raise. I was concerned I wouldn't make my total and then from out of the blue, a lady at my church walked up with a check for $348.00. I thought it an odd amount but she said as she was sitting in the pew, the Lord told her that was what she was to give me. When I went home and emailed my group leader, he said that was the exact amount I was short in my remaining payment. Countless times God provided for me in that way. Over and over and over again He confirmed that trip for me. So, why do I question our ability to pay to adopt? God will provide and all it takes is me reading these verses to know we're doing what He has called us to do.

Father to the Fatherless, Defender of the widows--this is God whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.
Psalm 58:5-6

You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, you have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear; to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may oppress no more.
Psalm 10: 14, 17-18

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for the orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

James 1:27

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.

Isaiah 1:17

But, when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who are under the law, so that we may receive the adoption of sons.

Galatians 4:4-6

In you, the orphan finds mercy

Hosea 14:3

Daisie Simcha

I have been working on a book. I have wanted to write a book for as long as I can remember, but was not sure what I would write about. I dabbled with an idea for a children's book, and spent months developing concepts and researching to see what had already been done. Despite all the time I'd spent, it seemed quite forced and did not feel right. Then, I realized that I would write about our adoption journey, our life's lessons and what God has taught us. So, I began writing and the words poured. Writing is the one thing in my life that brings me the most excitement and joy. If I could write full-time for a living, I absolutely would. I'm not sure that I am any good at it, but it is my passion. So, this is a chapter from my "book." It is all about our dog and what she God has taught me through her.

After visiting my local pet store twice weekly for a year, I became known by my first name. The staff would ask me on a regular basis “Kylie, is this the day for you to buy your baby?” Money was tight so I could never justify buying a dog for $1200 but I was doing my research and praying unceasingly about just the dog for me. I was single and going through a hard time in my life and knew that a dog was just the ticket. I researched breeds and temperaments, shedders and yippers and finally came to the conclusion that the perfect dog for me was a Lhasa Apso. After about a year of falling in love with dogs in the pet store, I began to call about ads in the paper. One day I received a call from a lady whom I had already called. Previously, she said that all her puppies had been purchased, but today she said one dog had been brought back because it had an infection from a sticker that had scratched her eye. My first thought was that this was not going to work but I agreed to view the dog. The night before, I made a trip to PetSmart where I bought several items for her, just in case. I drove down to a grocery store and there she was, my angel from God. That little fluff ball stole my heart. I took her home immediately and adored her beyond measure. After meeting Lee, he quickly became her Daddy and she was the center of our attentions. To this day, I look at her and realize that I have never loved something so much and I cannot imagine having my own child and the love that would pour from me. She is my b’rocha (blessing) and gift from God. Her middle name is the Hebrew for joy (Simcha), because she encapsulated my heart in a short period of time and brings me joy every single day. If I love an animal so much, how could I contain my love for a child of my own? This little puppy, that was abandoned and unloved because of a small imperfection had become the perfect addition to my family. I began to see a direct link between my love for her and the love that God has for each of us. The orphans are abandoned, unloved and injured and He loves them all the more for it. He said he will never forsake ANY of us, especially the orphans and widows. They hold a special place in His heart. Here was this little angel of a dog who grew my heart until it was about to burst with love. She was here to teach me in the tiniest of ways how God loved me immeasurably more than I could even begin to love her. Can you imagine how much his heart overflows with love for each of us? Amazing.

ACCEPTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CELEBRATE! PRAISE GOD!!!

Well, we got the call today! God-willing, we'll be bringing home our little boy or girl within the next year!!! We got accepted after moving our application up the ranks! We know that the agency was "on the fence" but we got accepted! That's all that matters and God made it happen (and our great friends who provided references for us!)

As I took the call from behind a barb-wire fence at work, I had the most out-of-body experience of my life! I honestly don't remember much of what she said to me! I called Lee and he was elated! How exciting to know that God has taken a couple who cannot have their own baby so far, to the far reaches of the earth to the baby He has planned to be for them to love!

The long paperwork process begins... It doesn't look so bad right now, the money is the frightening part! But we feel our move to Salt Lake City, will afford us to help pay for this wonderful event! Its a bit daunting to start but we love the new life we're starting and the family we will have! Thank you for praying for us on this journey! :)

GO GOD!

Baby Bug!!!

Our dear friends had their first baby, Adalyn Taylor, and we just adore her! Further reason to want our own! We've been bitten by the baby bug! :)

Well, we did it! We applied! AWAA asked us to jump through some more hoops, we knew we looked horrible on paper! :) We had to provide some additional financial information, as well as a couple of doctor's letters! We decided it was good that they wanted more information, they could have just said "NO" to start! :) We are still waiting and know its the beginning of a long process but we're excited! Lee also just accepted a new position for a job in Salt Lake City, so we'll be moving shortly! We're happy and sad all at the same time but this will help us to pay for the adoption if we get accepted! So, we're quite excited!!! God does provide in unconventional ways! :)

So, we'll let you know what happens! :)

Narrowing it down.

So, after many conversations about adopting with agencies, we've decided. We had it down to two agencies and after talking on the phone with one, I realized that they were essentially asking us to lie about some things. I am on some medications that they frown against and some agencies will not accept you if you so much as mention these medications. Then, one agency told us just not to mention them and have the doctor's letter dance around the truth. Ok, totally not our style. After discussing it with each other and friends, we decided that if God's will is to bring a child to us, then He will deal with the details of the world, the rules, regulations etc. And with different agencies telling us different things, we were quite confused. So, we decided we'll apply and if it is not meant to be right now, it won't be. Finally, I feel like I have given this situation to God! I am not stressing. TOTAL PEACE. We have the money to at least apply and will find out if we are accepted within two weeks. Our favorite agency will consider us on a case by case basis and completely encouraged us to apply, stating that in 15 years they've never had a couple rejected for the reasons we've struggled with. Other agencies have also told us not to even apply unless we have $30,000 in the bank! Ha! How is that allowing God to take over the financing of our new family? We have read countless stories of how God has provided for families in the most unconventional ways. We're excited to see what He does with our situation!!!

So, all that said, we have decided to go with America World Adoption (AWAA)! They were our first choice, in my heart I knew we'd use them and they are the most truthfully Christian agency that we've found. Their application is the only one who has us sign a doctrinal statement regarding our faith. And, even though they may ask many questions about our lives "BC" we're confident that full disclosure is the right way to do this! Why would we want to begin our family journey in a way not founded in truth? We want to take the journey that is full of integrity and that honors God the most! :)

So, now, the paper chase begins. We'll let you know if we get accepted and if we don't, well we believe we'll be parents SOMEHOW! :)

FROG

My mom is going to women's retreat. She is helping to organize it and every year is a different theme. This year it is "F.R.O.G." Or "Fully Rely on God." Wow, is that ever the truth for us right now. It is so hard to let go and surrender this process to Him. I truly feel that it is His will that we adopt but sometimes wonder if the timing is His or mine. I get quite anxious when I think about how we'll pay for it, and then I read countless blogs and stories about how God provided ALL the money for a couple to adopt. I can't imagine He would do otherwise for us. I just want to do this right, I want to do it at the right time and in His way. Then I see something that says grants and financial help are available. I sure hope so! We need a miracle! :)

Here are some things I read from some testimonies....This is just how we feel.

As we trusted God completely, we became willing to love His will more than our own. Though we overwhelmingly desired children, we could say with certainty that we wanted most what God wanted and knew that His plan was perfect. We have also been blessed to see the tiniest fraction of God’s heart. The desire and longing for our children to hurry home, to be with us so we could love them and provide everything beyond what they could imagine reflects in a tiny way the love that God has for all of us. He desires and longs for us to come home to Him and accept Him as Lord so He can love us and provide everything beyond what we could imagine.