Toone Family Journey: ADIOS AETNA! HELLO SAH-MOMMYHOOD!

On August 1, 2012 I said goodbye to the corporate world. I closed the door (for now) on 18 years of formal education, a masters degree, various certifications, and several years of working with troubled clients.

This decision was not one made in haste. After many months of prayer, budgeting and contemplation, we made the serious leap of faith and I gave my resignation.

Goodbye was hard. Not only was I leaving countless beloved co-workers (who threw me a fabulous going away party and had a bbq for me just last week) but I left clients I had worked with for 2 years. As I prayed for confirmation, God provided it in various forms as he spoke clearly and truly to our hearts, that this was indeed the right decision.

Every single person I told I was leaving encouraged me and told me I'd never regret it. I wrote a sincere email to some close girlfriends who also made the leap and got some amazing responses. Lee and I discussed me staying home at the onset of our courtship and both agreed it was vital to teach our children properly about Jesus and faith. We feel that since God entrusted our children to us alone, that it was our duty to raise them up in the way they should go. I went back to work after maternity leave for various reasons, and for that I am grateful. My time at home with Macie was so precious, everyday I raced out of work to come home to her and it was a joyous reunion. I had butterflies in the morning to see her and everyday was like Christmas. I am so grateful to have experienced the eternal struggle and my lesson learned was that I personally couldn't have it all. I grew to know the issue of balancing work and family life, while trying to be a mother, wife and employee equally well. It just became impossible and not the task I felt God has set out for me to accomplish. Lee began negotiating an increase in pay, and when it got difficult I began to realize I was putting my faith and trust in a paycheck to sustain us. Then a dear friend shared a verse that was so telling.

Matthew 7:25-34.

"This is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life - whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make the clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for the wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

So don't worry about these things, saying "what will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?" These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

From one friend:

I love God's beautiful and encouraging words. Love you sister and praying that His WILL in His TIMING be done for your family! Rest peacefully that your heart is in the right place, with your family's best interest in mind, and have faith that God will bless your heart's intentions in His way. I know that so much guilt and worry comes from working, but guilt and worry is not from God. I have to constantly remind myself of this and that my heart's intention is that God's will be done in our life. I never thought I'd want to stay-at-home, or home-school, (or home-birth) etc. but now God has molded my heart that whatever He wants for my family I will trust in Him to lead and provide for and I will willingly follow.

I sent out an email pleading for counsel and prayer from some of my dear friends who already took the plunge. Here are some of their confirming responses:

And another:

I so get the SCARED feelings of cutting back to one income. I even dealt with a bit of my identity and how much it was wrapped up in my being a physical therapist......but let me tell you......there is NOTHING as wonderful as being a STAY-AT-HOME MAMA!!!!!! NOTHING!!!! I am so HAPPY for you that you are taking this leap of faith! I know that God will only bless your faith and leap! He WILL catch you, I promise! And as the verse says, he cares more for you than the sparrows and lilies!!!!!! HE DOES!!!! He will so honor your decision to stay home to bless and care for your family! I cannot WAIT to watch this happen! I am praying that God will make it so very very clear to both you and Lee that this is His plan and not just your desire! Remember.......even if the fear does not completely leave you.......fear is NOT of God (as you stated)!!!! So don't let fear influence your decision, my dear sweets! Stepping into the unknown can be scary, and that is not a lack of faith.....UNLESS you allow that fear to keep you from walking the path you believe God has laid out for you! It's not being afraid that is bad....it is what you do with that fear that can be bad. Bless you for not allowing it to hold you back from God's will for your family!

God wants us to rely on HIM first and then our husbands, and I was trying to count on myself financially! SCHNIKERS! Talk about a rude awakening!!!!! I had no idea I identified so much with my job nor did I realize that I was trying to have my "back-up" plan with keeping my financial contributions to our family!!!!! Yes, fear was most definitely something that crept in with our discussions.....BUT!

When I considered NOT staying home and returning to work, I just couldn't stomach the thought! I knew that I knew that I was suppose to stay home ~ My husband knew beyond a shadow of a doubt as well! And he said to me one night, "worse case scenario......say I even lost my job for some unforeseen reason......we both agree that having you at home for the boys is THE RIGHT DECISION so we would make it work.....REGARDLESS!!!!!" He was soooooo right! And we totally agree that God blesses obedience!!!!

So keep on keeping on, my friend! May you continue to hear our Lord's guidance and feel His peace as you continue to step out in faith!

SO LOVE YOU!!!!!

And yet another...:

hope you've experienced peace and joy. I've been praying, definitely since Macie's birth and maybe even before, that a way would be made for you to stay home with her. I will continue to do so. I could only imagine that, as a mother, your heart would be at home. And I always think it's best for the health of a family to have a parent stay home with the kid(s) if financially possible! (Obviously, it's not always possible, and those kids can surely grow up to be happy, healthy and well-rounded, too.) As parents, we should be the ones training up our children, sharing the days' experiences and using them to teach through a Biblical lens, and knowing their hearts, personalities and struggles. If you guys decide you're able to quit, I don't think you'll regret it for even a moment. There may be struggles, even fear, but I still doubt you'll second-guess yourselves. You will delight in your little girl and be confident in your choice. You will be the one to comfort her tears and play with her and kiss on her and enjoy so many more of those beautiful smiles. (Of course, there may be hard, hair-pulling-out days with her that you'll WISH you were back at work...)

Clearly, our culture sets the bar high for standards of living. It is far higher than it should be, as I believe we make little idols of ourselves and our comfort/entertainment. Those standards are usually difficult for us to attain unless both husband and wife are making money. It's SO hard for us to combat that mindset. I grapple with this ALMOST DAILY and pray for God to work on my heart as I envy more beautiful houses and wish for a bigger car. But (I can say from experience), how great a blessing it will be for all three of you if you are able to focus more fully on being a wife, mother, and homemaker...grow in your dependence on God's provision...learn to do with less and practice gratitude. I would venture to guess that your family will be a lot more balanced. I can't imagine having to work AND do everything else. I honestly think we eat healthier (and more cheaply), focus less on our "stuff," spend more time in the Word, and sleep more than if I worked full time.

I try to remember, too, how much less most of the world has. It helps me grow in thankfulness, contentment and generosity. I've found that it affects how and what I purchase, what I eat...the list goes on.

These are things of which I remind myself and in which I take joy. Please don't hear it as preaching, but simply as my experiences that may encourage you. I can wholly relate to your concerns, to having a budget without wiggle room, to a pathetic savings account, to no "fun" money. I can't quite imagine how this budget will accommodate more kids, or extracurricular activities, or tuition. We'll take it as it comes, though, and it's worth it! I am SO THANKFUL and humbled to spend her days with her.

Another sweet friend said:

This is what somebody told me. " You will never regret staying home with your children when they're young. But you may regret working and missing out on alot of special things." Chances are you will value your time spent with the kiddos over the extra money for travelling and fun. :)

My response (can you see the lesson I was learning?)

Thank you sweet friends for each of your responses. I prayed for confirmation and each one of you gave me just that. Your own personal experience with common theme...that I wouldn't regret one day with Macie. I had to stop and ponder what I would think at the end of my life. I highly doubt it would be I wished we had taken more trips or gone to more movies. More likely it would be that I wished I had spent more time with my beloved child/ren. Ironically, I have shared this same sentiment with Lee countless times as he so struggles with attaching work to his worth. Now, the tables are turned on me.

I know that I needed to work so that Macie and I could have insurance for a bit, and so that Lee could get his much needed dental work. So that part I shall never regret. But I had the rather obvious realization that although I have missed 3 months of her life while working, she will never again be 6 months old, or 7, or 8, or 10 years old for that matter. I have no doubt in my mind that I will work again, but at least right now I shall choose the greatest profession and follow my heart and hopefully God's leading. :) I know I will never regret it and God will provide for us as he decorates the lilies of the field.

I read Lee each of your responses and his comment was "You have really amazing friends Kylie." Mine was "Yep, they were hand picked by God Himself." Thank you for answering my much desired prayers for confirmation my dear, dear friends.

August 1st I will join your noble ranks. My heart is peaceful. :)

Love,

And then there was the lady who I spoke to on the phone at work. God directly used her to speak into my life and show His will for my life. I kept in contact with her and thanked her on our subsequent calls for her wisdom and truth. I crossed the line professionally, but I had to thank her! Here is the email I sent my Proverbs 31 ladies Bible study:

Yesterday was such a rough day for me. I was discouraged, downtrodden and depressed. I called my last client of the day and was so NOT into the call. God used this sweet, sassy lady to speak truth into my life and heart. She was sharing how God had miraculously healed her husband of leukemia. Then she proceeded to tell me that her best friend's husband may have cancer. She told me of the counsel she had provided her friend she said "I told her girl, you can't care about having 1 income. You gotta TRUST in God. Don't you know that He will provide food and clothes and support for you? Don't you know He alone will take care of you! Girl, ain't God gonna let you down! Man can't close no doors that God done opened!" Oh my, I was in tears! I put my phone on mute and just let the tears roll while she talked. At the end of the call she said "I know that you have to be professional, but I felt like God needed me to speak to you today." I said "I typically cannot talk about it, but just want you to know that I share your faith my sister. I needed to hear exactly what you shared with me today! Thank you!" I hung up and cried. I had to leave work (I was due to leave anyway) to pull myself together! Here I was supposed to help this lady with her weight loss journey and SHE counseled ME! :) God blessed me, oh my.

Oh man. Don't you just love when God hits you upside the head with a 2x4? Seriously! This lesson was one of the greatest of my life. Just as we wrote the whoppingly HUGE check for our adoption, we have also put on our blindfolds and stepped into the unknown with this endeavor! We know we'll be blessed for our obedience! :)

Now for the party pics!