Praying and wondering....

Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Last night, I went through each agency's application. Some don't need much information and some require you to tell them everything! Lee and I really want a Christian agency and feel our hearts our leading us in one direction: AWAA. However, we want to give all the agencies a fair go, so we're attending webinars, talking to people and contacting families who have adopted. I'm sure they will all tell us they love their agency, which will only make the decision harder. Then, there is the issue of cost. Some agencies are pretty "cheap" to apply to, while others require a huge chunk of change just to apply! We want to be good stewards of the resources God had given us, so we're not sure what to do. Apply to a few and hope we get accepted by one of them? Put all our eggs in one basket. The other issue is that with all the health problems I've had, that we may not get accepted. I'm constantly worried about that. Last night I asked Lee "So what happens if we get rejected for our finances or health issues?" He said, "Kylie, if we do, then that means God wasn't ready for us to do this yet." Wow, what a reality check. Knowing that I tend to get things built up and get excited about them, I truly believe my heart would be utterly broken if we get rejected. Shattered into a million pieces. We just HAVE to get accepted...

So, today, I'm worried, overwhelmed and wondering: Am I over thinking this as I tend to do? This is totally Kylie to research, research, research and stress myself out. So, as I spend my time in quiet reflection, I am brought back, once again to the truth. God will make it happen if its His will. Go with your gut (AWAA?), relax, let go and let God. So today, as in the future many more times, I will SURRENDER this process to Him. I pray for our child, for us to be good parents and for the finances to pay for this adventure!

God seems to be opening doors for us to meet other couples who have adopted! It's amazing the adoption family that exists and how many others share our heart for this. I came across this scripture from another couple's blog....Perfect!

Psalm 685

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
6 God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

The Journey begins!

Dear Friends and Family,

As you know our family currently contains 3 members. We are now thinking of expanding our family to include a child.

We are not sure if we can have children of our own and hope that we can. However, we are also praying and researching international adoption. This is something that Kylie has wanted to do since she was a child and recently, Lee has seen the value of such an endeavor.

Several things have happened that have led us to believe that this is God's will for our life. We could go on and on but in short, we feel that God is calling us to adopt from Ethiopia. Nothing tugs on our hearts more than dreaming of our own little "fro baby." We both feel that throughout the Bible there are incidences of Jesus and others encouraging us to take care of widows and orphans. To us, there is no greater investment than to raise a child who otherwise may not have stood a chance in this world. It is not a heroic act on our part, but rather an entrustment of one parent to another. A gift from God and a monumental task. Parenthood.

We used to view adoption as a "Plan B" for infertility or other such issues. However, now we view it as "Plan A" for us! We feel that it is a special calling and that when you long for a child it doesn't matter how you receive one, whether through your womb or through adoption, God has created a miracle. To us, it is almost more of a miracle to have God bring together a family from across the globe.

All that said, we are only at the researching stage of this process. Kylie has been frantically collecting agency information and we've watched countless videos and will be attending webinars and face to face informational meetings. We have received a preliminary acceptance from one local agency and are continuing to research and narrow down our options. We are hoping that God makes it very clear as to which agency He is calling us to use and that we will even be accepted! The process is long and tedious. Mounds of paperwork, agency fees, adoption classes, finger printing, home studies and countless legal proceedings, but we are confident we will make it through to the end!

We have no idea how we will pay for an adoption, but are confident that if we step out in faith, that the Lord will provide. We know we must be responsible with our money and apply for the grants and tax credits that will make it possible. But we believe it will happen.

We don't know how long it will be until we have the latest Toone addition, but we invite you to join us on our journey, pray with us and we will keep you posted via this blog. The average total time for an Ethiopian Adoption is 12-24 months, so we're hoping by this time in 2011 we'll have a child!