Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Last night, I went through each agency's application. Some don't need much information and some require you to tell them everything! Lee and I really want a Christian agency and feel our hearts our leading us in one direction: AWAA. However, we want to give all the agencies a fair go, so we're attending webinars, talking to people and contacting families who have adopted. I'm sure they will all tell us they love their agency, which will only make the decision harder. Then, there is the issue of cost. Some agencies are pretty "cheap" to apply to, while others require a huge chunk of change just to apply! We want to be good stewards of the resources God had given us, so we're not sure what to do. Apply to a few and hope we get accepted by one of them? Put all our eggs in one basket. The other issue is that with all the health problems I've had, that we may not get accepted. I'm constantly worried about that. Last night I asked Lee "So what happens if we get rejected for our finances or health issues?" He said, "Kylie, if we do, then that means God wasn't ready for us to do this yet." Wow, what a reality check. Knowing that I tend to get things built up and get excited about them, I truly believe my heart would be utterly broken if we get rejected. Shattered into a million pieces. We just HAVE to get accepted...
So, today, I'm worried, overwhelmed and wondering: Am I over thinking this as I tend to do? This is totally Kylie to research, research, research and stress myself out. So, as I spend my time in quiet reflection, I am brought back, once again to the truth. God will make it happen if its His will. Go with your gut (AWAA?), relax, let go and let God. So today, as in the future many more times, I will SURRENDER this process to Him. I pray for our child, for us to be good parents and for the finances to pay for this adventure!
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