Well, we had homestudy #2. It was not easy, that's for sure. The subjects were as varied as you can imagine and included questions addressing such topics as family history and dynamics, hard lessons learned, health issues, domestic violence, criminal records and on and on. Although we were not as nervous as the first meeting, it was still nerve wracking. We learned a great deal about ourselves and each other. We also learned that nobody is perfect, nor are there perfect parents.
The next meeting will consist of questions regarding, past relationships, parenting styles and how we, as a couple, handle conflict. Those will be easier. We also need to keep working on our ginormous 250 page book and answer the questions (we work on it every night and we're only on page 50). We love doing it though, it has become such a bonding time together. In fact, the entire process has been a bonding time and has taught us more about our marriage than just about anything else we've experienced. Amazing!!!
This week was a tough week for me. I have been battling some sort of low-grade fever. I have felt dizzy, feverish and so incredibly fatigued. We go on Tuesday for our physical so I will get checked out. Some other things have surfaced and I had myself convinced this week that some awful disease was lurking! The hypochondriac that I am was pouring over symptoms and looking online, freaking myself out further. Thankfully, my loving husband has learned how to deal with me after four years. I cried and told him I was scared of what the blood tests would reveal, and that I want soooo bad for this adoption to go through, that I am afraid of something messing it up. It seems to have always been the most fearful part of this process for me. Satan really knows how to attack me with health stuff and I felt a great attack both physically and in my thought life. We know that this is how he works, attacking us at our most vulnerable. See, Satan wants us to turn our backs on God. He wants us to change our minds about how we feel about Him, when things don't go our way. Lee was wonderful, opening his arms wide, to fold me into. I am so thankful for him! He is so supportive. He is so on board with this and constantly reminds me when I want to spend money on our house, or a new car, that the sacrifices we're making, will be well worth not having new bedroom furniture or an SUV. He reminds me that God is good and that we will get to have experiences few others will ever have. He reminds me that God has chosen us to adopt and not everyone is chosen. He reminds me that life is good and nothing will thwart God's plans for us! And, he balances me out. My type-a, worrying personality is numbed and dulled by his calmness and wisdom. He reminds me constantly that "Fear is the opposite of Faith." How true! I am so grateful that God allowed me to have him for my mate! My heart bursts with love for him!!!
One more thing to share...I have found these WONDERFUL adoption friends online. They are all adopting from our agency and every last one of them are Christians. What an amazing support they've all been and the prayer is amazing! I have seen mountains be moved in this group in the months I have been involved. One of my friends Debbie lives in Boise and we email almost daily. I was chatting with her on facebook last night and she validated that Satan is indeed, attacking this endeavor. She reminded me that with my eyes on God, Satan cannot win!!! She prayed over chatting as I sat and wept. I cried, and had one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. She supported and loved and prayed over me so intently, I have never seen/felt such a prayer! I cried and rocked like a baby, and felt as though I was a child held by Jesus. I raised my hands to heaven and praised Him, through and despite this storm I've/we've been in this week! I truly experienced what it is like to praise God no matter what! I felt like a child, shivering and weeping, scared and broken, yet comforted and able to sing Hallelujahs to Him! I told him that no matter what, even if I couldn't be a mother, that I would still love Him and whatever His plan was. What a night! I cried myself silly and then slept peacefully, wrapped in His keeping. Today when those scary thoughts entered my mind, I quickly prayed and said "God, this is yours." What a great day today was! How truly in awe I am that when we are most weak and broken, God does His very best work through and in us. And, while not gone, my fever was lower today. SATAN BEGONE!
Thank you for letting me be transparent here and share this journey. I am pasting my Debbie's powerful prayer. Do you believe in divine appointments on the Internet? I do! Thank you my sweet friend! What a blessing you are to me!!!
We come to you with praise. We thank you for all the ways in which you have blessed Kylie by giving her adoption connections right there in SLC. We thank you that you have made the HS meetings go well, as you help them make more and more steps closer to their child. I thank you that you have filled Kylie with a freedom to BELIEVE and a joy to celebrate her progress in adoption. We come to you now, and ask you to fill her with that JOY and BELIEF once again. Surround her with your angels, Lord. Cover her in your love. Protect her from the enemy's attempts to deflate her, make her feel ill and tired, and defeated. SHE IS NOT DEFEATED! She is your PRINCESS. A child of the ALMIGHTY ONE! Remove her from the snares of the enemy and place her upon higher ground. YOUR higher ground. Let this planting on holy ground be more than temporary. Let it be where you keep her planted the remainder of this adoption and beyond. Remind her daily how very much you desire to LAVISH your love upon her. Open her heart to BELIEVE and fill her so full of YOU that there is no room for the enemy ~ or his fear. We don't want to have doubt, unbelief and fear, Lord, and we thank you for forgiving us when we do. We lay this path to parenthood in your hands, for we KNOW your plan for us is GOOD, and we know that we can TRUST you with our desires for our children and family. You are a BIG God. NOTHING is too hard for you, Lord. May Kylie be able to keep her eyes on YOU so strongly that all attempts of the enemy are void. We also ask you to protect her from any illness, Lord. Help her to be healthy as she journeys to her son. We ask you this, in Jesus' name. Amen!
May you sleep especially well tonight, and awaken refreshed in the morning.
(Can you see why I sobbed?)
Please pray that all goes well at our appointment on Tuesday! We will have a wide battery of tests done (together) and pray all the results are normal. Please also pray for my friend Debbie, her dossier just arrived in Ethiopia! She is now officially on the wait list for a child! We're praying for a lightening fast referral!