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Monday, August 9, 2010

Why you ask? Why oh why?

I knew they were coming. I had heard stories from other adoptive familes.

I didn't know when they were coming...nor did I know my response. But they came!


Ah yes, the dreaded yet common questions. The questions that when posed, you hope and pray you will not be offended by and that you will have the right answers for. You hope you will be able to explain the plight of the orphans and if you're lucky, pop in a little witness for the King.

*Deep Breaths*

I felt that perhaps if I shared the questions and my answers, it might help you glean some more information about how one decides to adopt, and how we realize we've been blessed with what I truly believe, is an "adoption gene" and how God's plan to save the orphans can only reach fruition if we heed the call.

Ok, drumroll please.........


"Why do you feel like you have to go overseas to 'get' a child? Why can't you just 'get' one from the U.S? Why is everyone rushing to 'get' children from other countries when there are plenty right here?"

*Deep breath*

Me: "We feel that we are meant to adopt from Ethiopia. Ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted to adopt an African child. Believe me, we have researched other options, and discovered that domestic adoption is equally as expensive and may take longer. Not only that, you have to wait to be selected by a mom, and it may take 10 years or more. Also, even if selected, the mom can change her mind once the baby is born. Foster care is a harder process too, and you must be ready to deal with a psychologically and physically abused child in most cases. You may just get attached and someone takes the child away again, or a family member may surface and take the child. Heartwrenching prospects. ALL children deserve loving 'forever families' but there are many more resources offered children in the U.S. not to mention that it is pretty much a given that U.S. children have clean water. There are almost 6 million orphans in Ethiopia. Their parents have given them up for a better life. They live in utter poverty in shacks and most don't have beds or clean water. Why not bring one home? Besides, each person who is born with an 'adoption gene' has a heart for a different group of children. Some want to adopt from China, others from Guatemala or Russia, some have a heart for children who have been sexually or physically abused, some for older children, teenagers, crack babies, etc. God just happened to give us a heart for Ethiopia. We love the third-world country culture and we think the Ethiopian people are beautiful. This is just our path."




"Why don't you just have a child of your 'own'?"


(It takes a LOT to get me revved in this life, but this one makes my blood boil. Just being honest.)

Me: "Why is an adopted child not going to be our 'own' child?"

Girl: "Well, its not really 'your' child."

*Sigh. Quick Prayer. Deep Breath. Another Deep Breath*

Me: "I'm assuming you mean 'biological' child. You are right, but just because this child is not blood, doesn't mean he/she is not our 'own.' There is nothing further from the truth. Biological does not make a child any more real or loved or special than an adopted child."





"So, you are adopting because you can't have children of your 'own'? (there it is again) Why don't you just spend the money on fertility treatments? They are getting cheaper now and people are having more success with them. Wouldn't you rather spend the money on a child of your 'own'?"


Me: We have had some fertility testing done, yes and we have some issues that may or may not be able to be fixed. We could pursue fertility testing but that is not our wish at this point. We prefer to not use artificial means to create a baby. We are just simply not fertility treatment people. Each person/couple is different and we do not judge anyone for their choices in this matter. This is just our personal choice and it is because we feel that it is not because we CAN'T have children but that God does not WANT us to at this time. He is preventing us from getting pregnant on our own, because He WANTS us to adopt. It is His will and we have accepted it. We believe in a God of miracles who can allow us to get pregnant anytime He wants. We believe it will happen when He is ready and we believe in our hearts that we'll have a biological child one day. For now, our main objective is to be parents. We don't care what package our child comes in, because we are all God's children."




MANY MANY MANY people: "Is your family supportive? Will it be weird to have a 'black' child? Do you think people will stare at you?"

*GULP* (Seriously? Have we made any progress in racial equality?) :) :)

Me: "We have no issues with our child being of a different skintone. In fact, we embrace it. We have done research and read books on transracial families and having a child of a different race doesn't phase us. If it were up to us, we'd have a rainbow family. The more people stare the more God can stir their hearts to ponder why we adopted, to wonder what our story is, and what God's plan is for the orphans. We LOVE adoption and so does God! He has a heart for the orphans. The more different our child looks, the more opportunities we'll have to share our story! We are very blessed that our families are more than supportive and want us to experience parenthood."


So...if you have been thinking any of these questions that is fine! We understand. We have prayed and researched adoption for almost 2 years now. We have accepted it and we know it may take our friends and family that long to accept it too.

DISCLAIMER: This post is not at all meant to sound angry or upset. It is purely meant as educational and hopefully to answer questions you or other may have asked or thought. It's all good...It's an interesting subject and we felt these questions should be shared. We are prepared for more of them and will embrace them as a chance to share with others about the miracle that is


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