We are launching our second adoption fundraiser! We are about to turn in our Dossier in the next couple of months to Ethiopia. At that time we'll have to send a check for about 8k and another one when we get our baby referral (and then quickly come up with travel expenses!)
So we are still working to save and praying God will take care of the finances to bring home our little baby! So, if you have a little princess in your life who just must have a Tutu, get 'em here! When that little one twirls and plays you can remember that tutu helped bring home Baby Toone! :)
There are a variety of colors available, and I will post more pictures tomorrow after my adorable neighbor Rowan models them for me! :) There are Christmas colors including the cutest little Red/Green/White one, and a Candy Cane one with pretty ribbon. The photos below are just a sampling, you can make your own design! I have a few on hand and otherwise we can pre-order and I can give the designer your order for shipping!
STATS:
Sizes: 2T-6
Price: $20 (includes shipping!)
How do I order?: Click on the Paypal secure link to the right and in your note put the size/color you want. I will contact Suzanne to see what she has available and she will ship or make/ship to you.
About the designer:
Suzanne Devine has a heart for orphans and helping families fundraise. She found me through the wonderful adoption community and offered to do this fundraiser for us! She is donating all profits to our adoption! What a blessing! Be sure to check her site at:
Today was my first glimpse of "the wait" and what it ensues. I vowed in the first posts of this blog to be transparent and since writing is so very therapeutic to me I will share from the heart.
With the onset of the winter gloom (Salt Lake City is terrible for pollution with its inversion caused by the lake effect and clouds looming to hold in the smoggy air) I always get a little blue. Last year's extended stint of inversion coupled with the new move to a new and lonely city, caused me to be quite depressed. This year our circumstances are much more inviting, with a home we own, new friends and a church we love, but I notice quickly that the lack of sunshine leaves me more than a little down. And with the gloom I experienced my first taste of waiting. Not wanting to be too nagging, I sent an innocent email to our social worker. Knowing she had said she would work on our report within 2 weeks, I knew we were in the 3rd week, so I felt a check-in email was in order (I now understand how fellow adoptive parent friends begin to stalk the mailman and call the USCIS office obsessively to see if their forms arrived safely despite Fed Ex's confirmation). In the world of adoption it is nearly required that you be a little OCD with the vast amount of detail required for the paperwork. So, my social worker responded that she was hoping to get us a first draft by Christmas and she hadn't started yet. I was soooo discouraged. Knowing that the entire adoption process is full of ups and downs and stops and starts, I THOUGHT I had not allowed myself to fall victim to unrealistic time lines and expectations. I was dead wrong. For many months there in me lingered a hope that we would have our paperwork in by Christmas---Yes, to Ethiopia! But lately I realized that would not happen, so I held to the hope that we'd at least have our I-600 form into the government and maybe even have a fingerprint appointment in the new year. Our dossier is 90% ready, minus making a photo page for our child and finishing a financial form and having everything notarized and authenticated.
Not. Gonna. Happen.
We drug our feet. We could have had our portion done two months ago. We could have turbo'd through the questions in the ginormous Parent Manual. But we didn't. We took our time and the 17 pages we wrote were well thought out. We even went above and beyond to add 4 pages of Utah resources for Autism, Reactive Attachment, Bonding, ADHD, etc. In essence, we did our homework. Maybe even extra credit.
Yes, we took our time and our social worker had to wait for us. I contacted the agency and they said the proper timeline was 8 weeks for a social worker to write the report. I didn't know this. Others from our agency said theirs took 2 weeks.
We recently received news from fellow families from our agency, that they had visited an orphanage where some of our babies/children come from. When they are matched they are taken to the Transition Home where they receive good nutrition and medical care for a few months until they can be brought home. The families who visited the orphanage found unfathomable conditions. Babies were lying in cribs without mattresses and the ones that did have mattresses did not have waterproof covers. Diapers were at a shortage and those babies wearing diapers at all were soaked. Add the cloth, soaked diapers and uncovered mattresses together and you can do the math. AWFUL. Our support group quickly rallied to send diaper money and crib sheets/mattress covers to the orphanage through our traveling families slated to go get their children. HEART WRENCHINGLY AWFUL... A day care here with those conditions would be condemned, yet this is how children live in third world countries every single day.
So, this year has been a struggle to get into the Christmas spirit and I wondered why? I prayed God would show me the reason and rid me of it! I love Christmas! It's my favorite time of year hands down. How could I not find joy in the coming celebration of the birth of our savior? Was it the inversion?
Then, BAM! Like a lightening bolt it hit me! Not only was I disappointed that our process was not further along, but I also quickly realized I was mourning the children in Africa and other countries who lived in these vile conditions! I pictured my infant, laying in a crib with no mattress with a soaked diaper, crying...And I cried. I am crying now. Oh baby, how I long for you! How this mother's heart is aching to hold you and to bring you home and tell you everything about Jesus, His birth and what we do to celebrate Christmas! I thought we would have you home this year! Then I thought we would at least be "Paper Pregnant." Then I thought we would have our finger print appointment. Now I'm not sure I'll ever hold you.
I'm emotional. Its been a roller coaster of a month for us and the smoggy air that coats my teeth and burns my lungs doesn't help matters. Now don't get me wrong, I am truly grateful for the encouragement we've received. But I'm going to be honest. Today I don't feel like hearing all the comments about God's timing. I believe in that, I really do. I believe our child isn't ready for us yet, nor us for him. We're still short the 8K we need to send in our paperwork. I know that perhaps our child isn't even born yet. I know that God is weaving a tapestry so intricate that we should not even begin to comprehend His plan. I know it all and I trust in it. But no matter what I hear or what I know, it does not begin to take an edge off the pain in this mother's heart. How can I love a child who is not yet mine, I have not met, or perhaps is still growing in his mother's womb? I can because he is MINE. He is the child that God has entrusted to us to care for during our life.
Imagine if your child was in such horrible conditions and you knew he/she was YOURS and you could not rescue him/her yet because of paperwork and waiting. Just imagine the tears that would be shed!
My heart physically aches. The pain I feel is real and true. But I embrace it because AGAIN, God is showing me two things:
1) That He is FAITHFUL. I finally believe this adoption will really happen. And while His timeline is already a year over ours, it is after all HIS PLAN. And he has no bad plans.
2) I have a mother's heart for OUR child. Not just for the orphans as a whole (which I do), but for OUR CHILD. I can nearly picture his face and it is a face that melts my heart with big brown eyes and delicious dark skin and long, long eyelashes. He is REAL and not knowing when we can bring him home shatters my heart into a million tiny pieces every day. My arms ache to hold this baby that is ours from God.
So today was a bad day and no doubt there will be more. So I go to sleep in hopes that this darkness will quickly fade to reveal the sun and a new day and with it will come renewed hope in His plan. It will happen. Tomorrow will be THAT much better than today.
But until then, my heart has a longing that cannot be comforted by any words or any hugs. I suspect this longing will not cease until I come face to face with our child and hold him in my arms.
There. Thanks for listening. I feel better already. Is that the sun I see?
Thank you Lord for this setback. In it I am realizing an opportunity for perseverance and patience. And in it I am realizing that Your plan is Oh so much better than my own.
Well my birthday came and went, but not without various celebrations. :) It was great to have my bday celebration a few times because the actual day wasn't so special. I had a HUGE presentation at work for some big name clients and the day and week were pretty stressful. I, being the "Sunshine" president am usually the one to decorate for others on my team. But my co-workers did decorate and make delicious chocolate icing covered brownies after the clients left. And, knowing Lee had church commitments on my bday night, he promised to make up for it on the weekend. He indulged my taste buds by taking me to Mazza, a quaint, classy Mediterranean restaurant at "9th and 9th" in the heart of the city. The falafel and hummus rivals Israel itself and the Chicken swarma is mouthwatering...Each time I go there I am transported back to Israel! It tides me over until we can go back there one day...
Dinner (and Israeli wine) at Mazza, my fave' restaurant in SLC
On Monday after Thanksgiving we went to the Maverick Center for the "Radio City Rockettes Christmas Spectacular." I didn't get many clear photos but it was absolutely breathtaking. It is one of the best shows I have EVER seen. I can't get over it. My favorite part was the scene depicted in this picture. It was called "Christmas in NYC" and the bus moved across the stage as the giant screen showed the streets of NYC. It was if you were riding the bus down the street with the dancers (Lee was quite impressed by the Audio Visual technology). I have decided my favorite dance is broadway dance and the tap dancing was incredible. I am going to dust off my taps and take a class in the coming months. Yes, I STILL wanna be a Rockette!!! :) I had chills, tears and was smiling from ear to ear the WHOLE show. We vowed to make it a family tradition to go back each year and to do more "stuff" that requires going into the "city" and venturing out of our suburb and living room (especially for the next 6-8 months as we wait for our baby match. I haven't experienced pure joy in entertainment in YEARS.
My co-workers and I came up with the idea to do "Crazy, Tacky Christmas Sweater Fridays" until Christmas. This was the result of our first attempt. I'd say it was mighty successful. Thanks Mom for the use of your sweater...And don't miss my socks! :)
My amazing team doing "Jazz Hands"
My sweet soul sister and best work friend Brenda
Sunday, November 28, 2010
What a great trip to Montana for Thanksgiving! Despite driving in blizzard conditions/snow both ways, we made it safely and had a wonderful time! Great food, fun, family and even fit in a little skiing!
Maddie Grace's first Thanksgiving dinner! Sweet taters and mashed taters for the first time! YUM!
Post-feast bath complete with mohawk!
Watching football and hanging with Uncle Lee
Football with the boys (she loves it for real!)
Post turkey tryptophan comma
Grampy and Maddie
Hanging with Grammy
Big Horn sheep on the way to the ski slopes
In the lodge
Kylie, Lee, Erin and Brad
Ski pose
Erin and Brad
Me ready to point 'em down!
Pretty in Pink
Super airplane Madison!
Me and "G"
Oh how I LOVE my punkins!
Quite possibly the most precious picture I have ever seen!
Some pics and videos of my trip home, family and MADISON GRACE!
Jennifer, Carla and Aunt Joan Brad, Gayle and Maddie Grace
Me feeding "G" some pears and cereal
Cousin Gayle LOVES Maddie
Num Num Num GOOD!
Ryan T. Bear and Maddie G. Bear
Cousin Gerry LOVES Maddie (and so does Grampy)
Ker-ry-Bear LOVES Madd-ie-Bear
Carla LOVES Maddie (see a trend here?)
Picking from all of Uncle Dick's hats
Maddie gets a hat too...or maybe two!
Finally, Aunt Joan gets a turn with Maddie Grace!
Aunt Joan LOVES Madison!
MaKenna playing with Madison
I got to fly the last leg of the flight with Brad, Erin and Maddie. This is post flight, 10pm in Wichita with the adorable pumpkin hat Erin knitted for her! Yes, she really is my punkins!
Grammy giving Maddie a bath in the sink
Her hair lays flat with soap! Look at that doll-baby face! What a pretty baby!
What's up Grammy?
***TO HEAR VIDEOS, SCROLL TO RIGHT AND CLICK PAUSE ON THE MUSIC PLAYER, THEN YOU CAN CLICK ON THE VOLUME BUTTON (SPEAKER PICTURE) ON EACH VIDEO TO DRAG VOLUME TO RIGHT TO MAKE IT LOUDER!***
This was an incredibly difficult week. Two deaths in the same day. Two funerals in one week.
First, my beloved Uncle Dick, sweet Uncle, passed away after an infection. He was in his 80s, so while unexpected, it was not a surprise. He had been living in a nursing home facility for quite awhile and had progressively gone downhill. I flew back to Kansas for the funeral and despite the reason for our gathering, seeing my 40+ family members was a treat, as it always is. Hanging out in my cousin's garage with my "little cousins" was the highlight for me as well as visiting Uncle Dick and Aunt Joan's farm. I can't remember a time of late when the memories of my childhood came flooding back as vividly as they did on that Sunday. The site of the old house, the barn with its John Deere and Oliver tractors. Dodging cowpies to visit the cows in the pasture, and walking into the "shop" to see the boats, trucks and other treasures. Walking past the "cat house" and remembering my childhood and opening the door to a shed full of kittens. And best of all, the blue bike. Aw, the blue bike with the bell and white basket attached to the back. I had ridden that bike more times than I can count and carried my little cousins in the basket while I rode down the "big" hill around the block over and over again at my grandmother's house. The memories were clear, strong and pure and a wave of contentment washed over me.
Upon returning to Utah, I was faced with another death. Lee had told me over the phone that our 33 year old neighbor Kris had suddenly passed away in his sleep. Supposed cardiac arrest. He left behind a young wife and 4 children. We had come to know the family well, with the youngest child Clayton coming over to play most summer nights and standing in the street chatting with the family and our other neighbors. The 4th of July was particularly fun with Kris and the other neighborhood men lighting fireworks and concocting other ways to blow things up. We attended Kris's funeral and I can honestly say I cried as much at that service as I did at my Uncle's. The church was full to capacity and the service was entirely made up of eulogies from family and friends. It was painful, heartwrenchingly so, but I am grateful we were able to be there and to get to know our neighbor that much more from the stories we heard about him.
It has been a difficult week. Death is part of life. I admit I grappled with the meaning of Kris's death more than I did my Uncle's. I had peace about Uncle Dick's Passing. But the death of my neighbor left my soul in agony, as I imagined the reasons why God would take him so suddenly. It seems extremely unfair, and I am battling internally with God over why these things happen and praying now that Kris is in heaven.
Lee and I know that Kris had battled cancer and Crohn's disease for years. He was sickly, but you'd never know it. We learned that though they had no life insurance and his disease had left him unable to work for extended periods, he would give his last dime, and the shirt off his back to help others. Lee and I immediately vowed to take care of this family, the best we could and prayed that God would use us to shine our light for them in their hour of need.
This week has been a painful one, though the journey I have traveled and lessons learned are beautiful. Lately I have been standing on my soapbox of preachy righteousness, telling everyone who will listen that they must do something to help the widows and orphans of the world. I still agree with that platform, and know it is God's as well. However, my vision has changed. God so graciously humbled me in such a way that I would liken it to being hit upside the head with a spiritual 2x4. We all are commanded to do something. That is true and I do not falter from that notion. However, the scope of WHERE we must do something abruptly changed for me this week. I knew in my mind that there were orphans and widows in our country too, but until this week, I did not realize they are in my own backyard, or rather, across the street. And until this week I would have never been able to fathom how deeply they would affect me.
And so, we are called to serve and help those in need. Lee and I plan to make it our mission to help this family. It's easy to assume someone else will do it and turn our backs on others. But as much as I am convicted to do so, I encourage you to look in your neighborhood for someone you can help. Not everyone is called to adopt, or help orphans and widows financially but take it from me, this experience has taught me that I can do exceedingly more than I imagined as God has done the same for me.
Did you know today is Orphan Sunday? It is the day that churches across the world observe the plight of the "least of these."
Sadly, when inquiring at my church, I learned that being a small church, no one has ever done anything for Orphan Sunday. When talking to my friend Vickie, she suggested I speak to the pastors and see if we can start something for next year! The cool thing is that there is already a website devoted to this special day, and it includes sermon notes, posters, videos, tshirts, and tons of other resources!
So today my plan was to escape to the mountains and be still. Our agency called us to pray for the orphans today and even go a step further and fast. I decided to fast from sunset yesterday to sunset today. and oh was I weary and weak! I'm one of those people who has to eat every 2-3 hours to keep my blood sugar even. This was a LONG time and I quickly realized that hiking was out of the question (due to hunger, shakiness and snow on the trail). So I retreated to a secluded spot where I planned to journal, read scripture and pray.
My spot
Well, I lasted about 20 minutes. It was FREEZING, windy and just plain miserable. I was hungry and weary and shaky and I opted to come home and finish at home. The entire drive home I beat myself up. Since I was so hungry and all I could think of was food so concentrating on prayer was difficult. I got home, completed my study in my warm bed and felt the hunger pangs so strong that I had to ask God to quiet them!
However, I was able to pray, read, reflect and write in my "baby journal" that I have been keeping for our child. I want him/her to know every detail of this journey. And, luckily I was able to pen a few pages before leaving the woods
(thankful for gloves!)
So, in conclusion, I'm a pansy when it comes to this. I had this great day built up in my mind and didn't succeed (by my standards). I ate again at 5 pm and thought I would pass out just opening the fridge. And yet, I prayed with each hunger pain that God would remind me that orphans don't just miss meals, they miss DAYS of meals. They are cold, hot, dirty, hungry, tired, sickly, weary, weak and shaky EVERY DAY. I felt like a complete failure and yet, I got a small glimpse of what an orphan experiences.
And I prayed that God would care for our child and other's children and that the adoptions in progress would go smoothly, quickly and that He would finance them. I prayed that our agency would continue to do its amazing work and keep prayerfully matching children with forever families. I prayed God would hold each child in His arms, safe, warm and fed. I prayed that God would use us to touch other families to consider adoption. I prayed that there would be a SURGE of families coming forward to support orphans financially, support families who are adopting financially, foster children without homes and even adopt themselves.
I found these amazing verses to share with you. Sprinkled through out the Bible are unending passages about adoption. We're ALL adopted you know! Before Jesus, we were living a life of sin and destitution. We were all lost as an orphan is lost. We had no father, families or anyone to care for us. THEN came the savior of the world, who adopted us into His keeping, into His family. Don't we OWE it to him to care for the orphans and widows of the world?
"Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to visit the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."
James 1:27
"I will not leave you orphans, I will come to you..."
John 14:18
"Do not oppress the widows of the fatherless, the alien or the poor..."
Zechariah 7:10
"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear but you received the spirit of adoption by whom we cry out 'Abba Father'"
Romans 8:15
One lesson I have learned is that caring for orphans is NOT an OPTION. It is a COMMANDMENT. NO CHOICES. NO EXCUSES! There are 147 million orphans. That's enough to fill the Denver Mile High stadium to capacity 8,823 times! But if only 7% of all Christians adopted, there would be
NO. MORE. ORPHANS.
AMAZING!
Another lesson I have learned is that God has no "Plan B." I've said it before but its worth saying again and again and again. God only has "Plan A." I would URGE you, if you are considering starting a family or expanding yours, to prayerfully consider adoption. Don't be afraid. Its so much easier to live in denial of those 147 million orphans. It is so much easier to live in our bubble of life in America, thinking we have it so hard, without realizing that there are SO MANY who are in need of so much more. So don't live in DENIAL.
GO FOR IT. TAKE A RISK.
We ALL have to meet our Lord face to face one day. Do you want HIM to ask YOU
"Why didn't you do more to care for MY orphans?"
I DON'T.
I want to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done my daughter."
Can you imagine?
That thought sends shivers down my spine!
So, could you throw up a little prayer today for the orphans of the world?
