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Friday, October 28, 2011

Another question...

Do you remember a post I made many months ago about “interesting” questions we are often asked about adoption? Well, there is a new one. I think this one is the HARDEST to bear. It goes something like this:

Person: Wow, congrats on your pregnancy! So did you drop out of your adoption?

Me: No, We’re definitely still adopting.

Person: Oh really? I thought you might “drop out” since you are having one of your “own.”

Me: Nope. Adoption is still God’s will for us. I’ve wanted to adopt since I was 9. We are doing both.

Person: Oh wow, well “good for you.” Are you sure you can handle two that close together?

Me: It’s no different than having twins or having children close in age. Plus, I know God will work out the timing perfectly and give me the strength to handle it so I’m not at all worried.

Person: Well that seems to ALWAYS happen. People adopt and then they “relax” and get pregnant. So funny.

****This one hurts me to my CORE.

Me: Well actually, that does NOT usually happen. Only in 5% of cases. It’s just that you hear about those 5% of stories more than the other 95% that DON’T get pregnant.

Person: Oh really?

Me: Yep. So we are especially blessed. We get to experience BOTH.

Person: Uh. Wow. Good for you.

Ok, so this is how the conversation SHOULD go. Typically I laugh and say “yeah” and “we’re still adopting” and that’s about it. This conversation is what I wish I would have said AFTER the fact but was too in shock and appalled to say at the time.

I have MANY friends that have suffered infertility as we have. Do I pray that God would give them the SAME Amazing blessing he has given us? OF COURSE! Do I think they adopt because they can’t have children? NOPE. I believe they adopt as God’s PLAN A for their lives, as ours as well. Adoption is still PLAN A for us. It was never PLAN B. Will I go up to bat for them, us and GOD time and time again? YEP.

I share this because I have to illustrate how my adoption friends “get” me. My friend Debb said it so very eloquently tonight on the phone when I shared with her this latest question of “Why are you still adopting if you can have your ‘own’ child?” Her response was so beautiful and read my heart. She said that one child does not replace the other. Our Ethiopian child has grown in our hearts for 2.5 years just as our biological child has grown in my womb for 7.5 months. Both are different children. I have bonded with both of them. I love them both EQUALLY.


I have shared before how I can’t imagine one without the other. Our little Toone family is not complete unless BOTH of them are here. As long as I am holding my baby girl in my arms I will be longing for my baby boy. One is not void of the other. EVER. That is just not God’s plan. I realized one day that I have always pictured TWO and that is simply precious to me.

So when asked why we are still adopting, the answer is easy. It is not because we spent a great deal of money. It’s not because we came so far in paperwork. It’s not because we want to “save” a child. It’s not because we feel obligated. Do you want to know why we are still doing it? It’s because God has shown us that having a biological baby does not subtract an orphan from the world. There are still 147 million of them. Will physically having a baby make the wait to our other child easier? Maybe. Or will it make the agonizing wait all the harder knowing what we’re missing? More likely.

Our pregnancy has only strengthened our resolve to adopt. Our adoption friends have only encouraged us all the more. Our biological pregnancy has only caused us to love our Ethiopian angel more and more. Our journey has only heightened our faith. Our love has only multiplied, but the best part is, the love we’ve been saving up our entire lives gets to flourish for TWO.

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