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Sunday, April 19, 2015

Breaking the Silence...

It's been awhile.  Over a year in fact.  To look back at how long my pen has been silent on this blog is startling.  The time flew and yet it crept.  So much change has happened in our lives.  My Daddy is gone.  We have a son! Life has cycled through.  A death, then a birth. 
Posting about our trips to the zoo and other family happenings seemed trivial this past 16 months since we lost him.  I just couldn't bring myself to post happy updates about our child and life when in fact, I was anything but happy.
I was living each day in miserable agony. 
This blog has taken many forms.  All adoption, to All Macie, to All Daddy and now we come full circle.  In focusing my writing efforts in a different direction, that of grief, there was much healing.  Check out my blog here.  It is appropriately titled "My Steepest Mountain" because in fact it is true.  There is nothing harder I have ever experienced than watching my Daddy fade to nothing and even now, the memories are sharp if I let them pierce through.
There are regrets indeed.  I wish I would have continued blogging the daily happenings of motherhood and life with our child.  One day I went down to switch my laundry and found shreds of paper everywhere.  So much so, that our drier broke.  One night as I was journaling to my beloved daughter, I fell asleep with the book in our bed and when I washed the duvet cover the next day, it was swept up into it.  ALL WAS LOST.  It was a devastating blow.  I had been journaling to her since pregnancy and ALL of her milestone, dates, EVERYTHING she was babbling and doing was in that book.  I shed tears for days.  And now I am thankful that some of that is here on this blog, but I am wishing there was more. 
So now I move forward to the happiness again.  To the growth and this latest chapter. 
Thank you for following...Welcome back.

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