For SO. LONG. I have dreaded this post. Many times there were words that seemed to well up inside me that I may burst if I did not share. My enthusiasm for this journey ebbs and flows. One day I am on Cloud 9, envisioning all that our "Metcha" and "Gotcha" days will be. Waiting on those steps, next to the concrete wall as I have seen in so many family adoption videos. Waiting with eager anticipation for the first glimpse of my child and the first embrace, sniff of his skin, tears free-flowing. And other days, well, there are the other days. The days where my arms ache so badly in desire to hold him and my heart physical hurts in my chest. The days where I am ready to throw in the towel. The wait has been TOO LONG. I'm tired of learning whatever God is teaching me.
"But its all in God's timing." Or "I promise you will look back and not remember the angst."
Of course I know they are right. They've been there. Of course I know that my precious child in my arms will erase and wipe out the memory of waiting and longing. But for right now, some days I need to be IN THE MUCK.
When we began this journey the timeline for waiting was 4-6 months. Many have asked why they have now increased it to 30-36 months. We are at month 30! I kid you not, each time we enter the "waiting window" the timeline is increased. THIRTY. MONTHS. That is officially THREE biological pregnancies. THREE! Can you imagine? And I do not jest when I say these words. The HORMONES, MOOD SWINGS, and TEARS, are the SAME as biological pregnancy. Been there. Done it. BOTH WAYS. It sucks. Anyway you shake it.
So what is taking so long you ask? Lots of reasons. The US wants to streamline processes with International Adoptions and their efforts to use legislation has only made things take MUCH LONGER. Remember, Ethiopia has paper and pencils and the US computers. Things take longer there. There is a learning curve. In an effort to curb selling babies (which is rare), we add more paperwork, we had more procedures, processes are switched to different offices within the US government (US Embassy to United State Citizen Immigration Services and vice versa). T's must be crossed perfectly. Parent interviews are repeated (even though Mom has said she wants to relinquish said child 3 times before). I's must be dotted better. A birthdate is written wrong by one day on a form. More interviews are needed. A paper is missing. See the documentary I helped promote "STUCK" and it will explain it. Grab a box of Puffs people. You'll need it.
Meanwhile, children are languishing in these orphanages. For every month in an institution, they lose one month development. Now they are saying even when we get our child match, it may take 8-10 MORE MONTHS to actually walk through the door of our home with him. That is 8-10 more months he waits for us.
There is a spiritual battle being waged my friends. Why would Satan, want God's plan for redemption and restoration to occur? Why would he want these precious babes to be in loving, Christian homes where they will hear about Jesus? He doesn't. And so he will fight a war to keep them there, suffering, missing a familial bond. Wasting away.
(how I feel about my son)
I cannot say our agency doesn't have an amazing Transition home, where the children receive wonderful medical and psychological care. The staff are all Christians. We have a pediatrician and psychologist and attorney on staff, not to mention drivers and tour guides who spend countless hours with the children. THEY ARE LOVED. But they are loved by MANY. And they need attachment and bonding with their family to create strong neurological pathways for attachment in their brains. Their care is amazing. But their care in a nuclear family would be oh, so, much, better.
And so, we wait. And in the wait we've been lazy. We have a long list of books we should be reading. And then life gets in the way. Sometimes I think that God is waiting for us to finish learning something, or reading a certain book or something...and when we do, He will finally end this journey...This is precious time we should be studying and preparing. I'll admit we are slacking. And it is hard to prepare and be reminded everyday while reading an attachment book, that your son is still so far away...
And so we begin round 3 of the paperchase. Again we complete physicals, again we get fingerprinted, interviewed and probed, get checked for countless diseases, fill out updated financial forms, get more background checks, get things notarized, signed, sealed and delivered to our family coordinator.
I never thought I'd be doing this yet again.
We're experts now...
And so I long for this precious child. I'm not sure what else to say. My apologies are that this post may seem a little down. I'm having one of those days where I'm not too optimistic. We've not had a referral/match for 3 months and we've not moved up on the list for equally as long.
So, we're still number
Which is better than 23 like last I posted. So we will hurry up, get our paperwork updated and wait some more.
And as the fall quickly fades into winter, we know that Christmas is around the corner. And again, like the 4 Christmases since we started this process, we will wish he was here. But until then...
For him there will be